29 December 2008

She is leaving home...

Ten points to anyone who knows the artist to the song above. :) (I don't know what points do but I give them to you freely.)

Anyway, this is going to be a setimental blog post. You see, something happened today that has never happened in the history of my immediate family. One of us is moving away. That might not seem monumental to many because usually kids move away out of high school to go to college or pursue a job or what not.

However, with the things that my family has gone through the last ten years, we've stuck together. If we weren't living in the same house, we were living in the same city. As a family, we've definitely had our fair share of ups and downs. There have been many bumps in the road as we've followed Jesus and what He's called us to do. But the amazing thing is that it hasn't torn our family apart. We've grown stronger through the trials we've had to face and I know that Jesus has blessed us with a closeness not many families share.

Nonetheless, there comes a time when one must break off and find their own way. And that's what my youngest sister is doing. She's moving to California today, to strike out on her own. While I am sad and it breaks my heart to see her leave, I am so very proud of her. It's time for her to go out and see what she's really made of. My baby sister needs the chance to be her own person outside of our city and all that's happened in the last ten years. I think deep down she needs to know if she can make it on her own.

I have nothing but the very deepest faith - not only in her - but in the Lord to take care of her and to guide her on this new adventure. And while I'm sad I won't see her sweet face a few times a week, I am so excited to see what this move does for her.

So if you think about it, pray for my sister Carly as she travels and sets up a new life in CA.

Thanks!


(Carly, me and my other sister Kalli)

20 December 2008

One Day - Hopefully Soon

The above picture in my blog title is a picture of Seoul, South Korea. I was going to keep the snowflakes up there until after Christmas but I decided against it. Lately the burgeoning (yes burgeoning) desire I've had to live there has flared back up again. It's not that it had died, but I had been a little distracted by something else to pay much attention to it. But that fire that's been in my heart for Asia - specifically Korea and Taiwan - has started stoking itself again.

It is my heart's desire (and I hate those words because they are so Christianese) to go there. I've taken Korean language lessons (which I need to pull out my books and start practicing again) and have a very deep longing to go live and minister there. I don't really know what started it. I know for a while, probably the last 4 years I've wanted to adopt (when I'm married) from China or Korea. What might have helped is that I have 2 friends who started making me watch Asian television about 3 years ago. I got hooked on these Asian dramas (and subsequently got other pepole hooked on them) but there was just something about them. Watching the dramas was entertaining enough. And I really fell in love with the music because it was an easy way for me to be able to pick up the language.

But over the course of watching and listening, I fell in love with this people group. Like my friend Katy who adores Africa, or my friend Heidi who loves Eastern Europe... I believe Jesus awoke a passion for the Asian people in my heart. The amazing thing about it was that Jesus confirmed this call through my parents about a year and a half ago. (Which is another blog for another time, but it really was incredible.)

Now I'm just in wait mode with the Lord. I don't know when or how He's going to send me over there. The most obvious choice would be to teach English as a second language. But I don't want to do that, nor to I feel like that is what He is calling me to do. I think that how I get over there is going to be so amazing that people will look at it and say "Only Jesus could have done that."

So until that happens, I wait. But I keep learning and I keep my ears open and I watch. Because Jesus has brought some awesome people into my life to really encourage that call. Iknow they've been God moments and He's been encouraging me to keep waiting through those meetings. It's going to happen, it's just a matter of when. And while I wait, I'll stay faithful to what He's called me to right now.

19 December 2008

My Christmas Vacation

Yes it is Friday. Glorious, wondrous, beautiful Friday. Why, you may ask, am I so delighted with this day? Well not only is it the end of the work week – but it is the end of my work week for two solid weeks. Thank. You. Jesus.

Yes my friends I am embarking on a beautiful little thing called vacation. A time where I will plan to get tons of things done (like sorting out the clothes I don’t wear any more, washing them and giving them away or cleaning my room, or even organizing the books that are staging a take over in my living room.) I’ll have the best of intentions and end up frittering away most of my days to reading and probably ‘catching up’ on that sleep I’ve been losing the last 11 months of the year.

While most of that is true, what I’m really planning to do is get some reading out of the way. And in doing so, creating on this blog a book of the week. (Yes, it is possible to read a book a week and that is my New Year’s resolution of sorts. Only I’m not calling it that because I’ll end up not doing it.)

So my plan is to read a book then post a picture of it and write a review of sorts. I know all one of you who read this will simply be teetering on the edge of your seat to read my opinions, which is why I’m doing this. To make you, the reading public, informed and well armed to face the world.

Okay not really. But working in Christian retail, I do get some very interesting books that come across my desk. So I’ll be reading some of those and reviewing them. I’ll also be reading classics, fiction… pretty much anything that I find interesting – stretching my interests and hoping to spur you on do to the same. There will be more posts in between the book reviews so I'll make sure that I make it obvious when I'm reviewing. Like posting reviews on Fridays. And with the words BOOK REVIEW in the title for easy browsing. Also, I'll post a teaser of the book I'm reading so you know and maybe you can check it out for yourself as well.

So without further adeiu... the first book!

A description of the book from the website Christless Christianity
"Christians have always had their differences, but never in church history have there been so many statistics indicating that many Christians today are practicing what can only be described as "Christless Christianity."
Christless Christianity guides the reader to a greater un-derstanding of a big problem within the American religious setting, namely the creep-ing fog of countless sermons in churches across the country that focus on moralistic concerns and personal transformation rather than the theology of the cross. Michael Horton's analysis of the contemporary church points believers back to the power of a gospel that should never be assumed. "


With that mulling around in your brains, I'll let you know what Michael Horton has to say next week! (Also, as an FYI, any comments or questions are greatly encouraged and appreciated! I love to dialouge so come join in the fun!)

17 December 2008

Rich Mullins Amazingness

Found this in a comment over at http://stuffchristianslike.net/ and it is AWESOME!

The only thing worse than the joke you don't get is the explanation that is bound to follow: an explanation that, while it may help you see why you should have seen the humor that you so lamely missed, is little likely to make you laugh. It may provoke you to muster a sympathy snicker so as to avoid more of an already tedious and misdirected lecture. It may inspire a mild giggle of recognition, but it will hardly ever raise a real belly-laugh, which was the original desired effect.

And so, here I go -- me and a dozen thousand other people -- trying to explain a joke that we would do better to learn to better tell. I am setting out to explain again why Jesus is the only true hope for the world, why we should put faith in Him, and what all of that won't mean. I am collecting the information, selecting from what I hope will be usable as evidence, arranging my findings into arguments, framing it for presentation and recognizing that, while it may be fine as far as it goes, it doesn't go far enough.

But then I remember two things. The first thing I remember is how I once won an argument with a heathen friend of mine who -- after I had whacked away his last scrap of defense, after I had successfully cut off every possible escape route that he could use, after I backed him into an inescapable corner and hit him with a great inarguable truth -- blew me away by simply saying, "I do not want to be a Christian. I don't want your Jesus Christ." There was no argument left to be had or won. Faith is a matter of the will as much as it is of the intellect. I wanted to believe in Jesus. My friend wanted to believe in himself. In spite of how convincing my reason was, my reason was not compelling.

So the second thing I remember is this: I am a Christian because I have seen the love of God lived out in the people who know Him. The Word has become flesh and I have encountered God in the people who have manifested (in many "unreasonable" ways) His Presence; a presence that is more than convincing, it is a Presence that is compelling.

I am a Christian not because someone explained the nuts and bolts of Christianity to me, but because there were people who were willing to be the nuts and bolts, who through their explanation of it, held it together so that I could experience it and be compelled by it to obey. "If I be lifted up," Jesus said, "I will draw all men unto me."

So, here I offer what is possibly the worst thing that can be offered: an explanation of a joke. And, what makes this more inexcusable than the fact that this is that, is the added fact that this is an explanation of a joke you've already gotten. I offer it anyway. I offer it in the hope that it might somehow encourage you to live out your lives and, by your living, tell the joke that I, in my writing, so feebly attempt to explain. Love one another, forgive one another, work as unto God, let the peace of Christ reign in your hearts. Make it your ambition to lead quiet lives. Obey. Greet one another with a holy kiss. No one will argue with that.

-Rich Mullins

December 2007 - "Your ability to find the silly in the serious will take you far..."

Not kidding, this was a fortune I got in a fortune cookie from a Japanese restaurant. And while I don't put a lot of stock in fortune cookies (or the lucky numbers... aka Lotto picks they put on the back of them) this one entertained me to no end. Mainly because its true. I frequently try to find ways to diffuse tense situations with humor. I also (sometimes unsuccessfully) try not to take myself too seriously. After reading this, I realized I've had a few entertaining fortune cookies such as:

"He who has faith has everything." This one was awesome because my faith... my walk and union with Jesus is my entire life. And I found it fascinating that 1) they put that on a fortune cookie and 2) it really resonated with my life. Sometimes encouragement from the Lord comes in the weirdest places.

"You are realistic, and others relate to you." I thought this one was cool simply because I strive to be a realist and in this crazy walk of life I hope to find people who are able to find me relatable. Or something like that...

"Hidden in a valley beside an open stream, this will be the type of place where you will find your dream." These sound like rejected Disney lyrics to me. Like they were attempting to make Jiminy Cricket sing these lyrics and he threatened to walk of the set of Pinocchio if they made him do it. I can't blame him, the saying is beyond cheesetastic but it makes me laugh. So I kept it.

And this is my favorite...

"People are attracted to your delicate features." Um. Excuse me? Many people have used many words to describe me. Delicate has never been one of them. In fact I think I'm probably the antitheses of delicate. Use your thesaurus. Look up delicate... see synonyms and then antonyms. My picture is the first thing you'll see under antonym. And while this made me laugh really hard, it made me start thinking about my personality.

I'm generally known for being very strong willed, very opinionated and in general (as one guy recently told me) intimidating. It was no surprise to me. I've been told that by many a guy before. And women come to think about it. I don't mean to come off intimidating. I suppose it's just the way I've been brought up. My parents raised my 2 sisters and I to be our own people.
We were raised to have our own opinions, to be independent and free thinking and not take anyone's crap. I've always cherished that kind of up bringing.

I remember the first time in high school when I encountered someone really intimidated by me. And it surprised me. Because I assumed that people were raised like me and my sisters. (I was also homeschooled the first 2 and a half years of high school... not that that's an excuse, but it might provide some explanation for my slightly warped view of society.) It's not that I'm ignorant of my own insecurities and the struggles I have. I am well aware of my shortcomings. But in general, I'm pretty satisfied with who I am and how I'm put together. And to a certain degree in high school I was that way too. It really shocked me that so many of my friends weren't. And I didn't know how to handle that.

The second wake up call came when I was in a serious realtionship. My strong personality exerted itself and this guy saw it as something to be crushed. To be worked on. Sure there were aspects he liked, but there were others he didn't and he took extra care to try and change me. Which also threw me for a loop. It never occured to me (yup, I really was that naive) that someone wouldn't appreciate my strong opinions.

So, while the consistent work of the Lord has refined some of my rough edges, I find I still maintain my strong personality. He gave it to me for a reason and He wants to use it. I find that amazing. Sure, sometimes I open my big mouth and say dumb things. And I make a lot of mistakes. But the older I get, the more thankful I am for the personality He's given me. And while I seek and strive to work on my weaknesses (of which there are many), I'm also thankful that I am what I am.

I may not be delicate... but I am confident in the Lord. And in all my weakness, He truly has become my strength.

November 2007 - The Intensity Propensity

That's right. The title of this blog rhymes. I came up with that little gem tonight while talking with my mom. It was the latest in a trend of speaking weirdness. Some times I wonder about myself. The strangest things come out of my mouth. There is no think before talking function in me. Words just kind of pour out and some small part of me is wondering... hoping that they make some semblence of sense as they echo into the stratasphere.

My exciting news is that I made it home from an 11 day trip of torture. There were many parts of this trip that were good, many that were frustrating and most of it was just plain draining. I'm exhausted but unable to get my mind to slow down to where I can actually sleep. So many thoughts are running through my head, ranging from the champion yo-yoers my friend saw in the airport (all I'll say is if you're a champion yo-yoer, no offense, but you have too much time on your hands) to the talk I had with my mom tonight.

I guess I'm at a place in my life where Jesus is cementing things in me that are from Him. He's also really requiring of me and trying to get into places so that I can deal and let go of all the other crap on my radar screen. It's a painful but good thing. I'm trying to remind myself of that. I know I can get so wrapped up in my own distorted reality of what's going on around me that I forget I need to seek Him and ask Him what's really going on. Because if there's one thing I'm learning its that Jesus and who He is, the Father and who He is, the Holy Spirit and who He is... is reality.

The faithfulness of Jesus to me blows my mind. He has never let me down, has always been there guiding me where I need to go. Sometimes He has to use the 2x4 but He is also gentle and beautiful to me. The depth, the vastness of His love threatens to overwhelm me. The desire to know Him grows daily as I ask for the first commandment to be fulfilled in my life. The things that I struggle with I need to remember to look at in light of what the Father is doing and to not be afraid to deal.

I know I still don't know what I ought to know (thanks Apostle Paul!) but I do realize that there is a work going on in me right now and while its scary in its intensity, I'm thankful for it. I just hope to respond to Him, to give myself to Him with the same intensity propensity I give other things.

It's amazing what 11 days away, isolated from the familiar does for perspective.

24 November 2008

Ranting and Raving Ahead, Beware

From November 2007...

I am sitting in a hotel room in Charlotte, North Carolina trying not to be grossed out. Maybe I am just weird. Maybe I have commitment issues. Maybe I am (in some ways, not all) more male in my approach to emotions and romance. But seriously, I feel like I skipped Romance for Girls 101 and zoomed straight into "No! Really? - Sarcasm 101"... and somewhere along the way I apparently missed out on something important.

Many of my friends buy into this "White Knight" theory. That there is a man who will rescue them, be able to fulfill all emotional needs and rescue them from the loneliness of single life. He'll treat them like queens or princesses, enjoy every single thing that they do and they will live happily ever after in some sort of cottage with a white picket fence and a garden and 2.2 kids with a 2.2 car garage.

That sounds incredibly boring to me. I'd go so far as to say it's not only boring, it's unrealistic. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not known for my sympathy towards men. Having had bad experiences in the past I'm not the greatest man champion. But when women start to spill this absolute rubbish, I have to say, I am overwhelmed with a sense of pity for any man who is expected to live up to several of the above mentioned standards. It sounds like an awful lot of giving and putting up with crap and not much taking and experiencing the joy of reciprocated love.

I'm not sure if I've even digressed at this point but I'll continue.

I have come to an understanding as to the root of my issue with being single and being in the church. I'm sick of hearing about how there are no good men. I'm really sick of hearing about the "perfect man". And the chances of me snatching myself bald are high if I hear one more person tell me that their heart's desire is to get married.

I am not anti marriage. In fact, contrary to what people might think after reading this post, I too want to get married. However I do not let marriage dominate my every waking hour. My every breath. My every moment. Wanting to be married is a very valid desire. But there are so many things to experience while single and unattached. The ministry opportunites that God has in that period of life are amazing. Paul talks about it in Corinthians. I'm not even talking about a full time all to celebate life. Just living in the day that Jesus is giving you.

Even now, as I type I can feel my blood pressure rising and my soap box getting higher. I suppose, for me, it boils down to one thing on the whole marriage issue. It's where Jesus has brought me and its where I ask Him to keep me content until such a time as He sees fit to pair me off with some poor soul.

In the 25 years that I have been alive, Jesus has shown me HIs faithfulness to me. I've been through some crap and yet every time Father has shown me His trustworthiness and His unfailing love toward me and for me. It is not His track record that has suffered in terms of being true, it is mine. And I'm going to have the audacity to tell Him that I'm going to search relentlessly until I find a mate? I must be smoking crack. I have experienced the grace of God to me. And through that experience I have realized this: If there is something in my life that I think I need and I don't have - and I have gone to God with that request and it has not come - it must mean I do not need it for this time in my life. That includes all things - especially a man. And until that man comes along, I want to do the best job I can where Jesus has put me and be faithful in the only day He's promised me, which is this day.

The Project

I have not abandoned ship. I hadn't forgotten about this blog either. Instead I took time, placed it in another part of my memory until I had a moment of inspiration.

This blog has had many ideas attached to it. I've had lofty aspirations. I've had some very low moments in figuring out what to do. And finally, genius struck.

Over the next few weeks (perhaps days... depends on how ambitious I feel) I will be importing posts from my other blog. I started it a year ago but it has evolved into something else and I don't feel entirely comfortable publishing the deeper thoughts I'm having over there. So you all are getting them. Thoughts ranging from singleness to the love of Jesus... all of them pertaining to the very spiritual side of life. Some funny (maybe to me and no one else) some just verbal vomitting, some just thoughts thrown out there. But all of them mine. So read if you like. Enjoy, process and maybe something will come of it. :)

Thoughts in process...

From November 2007...

This last week has been intense to say the least. Part of it has been a good intense, the other part has been emotionally intense and super draining. I've spent a lot of my alone time reflecting and musing about family, the call God has put on my life, and my reaction to it all.

There are so many things inside my head pertaining to it all. I've had so many ideas, views, & opinions thrown at me in the last few days. They have really challenged what I've held dear and how I've perceived much of my life. However one thing I've realized, in talking with Jesus, listening to Him and following Him is this:

He is so incredibly faithful to me. More than anything this past week has emphasised that the simplicity I walk in, the ministry I'm involved in is a gift. And what grace it is to be pulled outside yourself. To realize that the world is not about you. Because most people don't realize that.
I've also started to understand the gift that the Lord had given me in my family. I'm close to both my parents and I'm getting closer to my sisters and brother. But man, I watched part of my extended family over the last few days... I observed the tension, the bitterness, the underlying anger... none of it ever spoken. All of it kept hidden and glossed over as if nothing had ever happened. I became more and more thankful that, while we're not perfect, to the best of our ability- all of us in our family are honest with each other. There is that ability to be open and vulnerable with each other. To say, "Hey, this is where I'm at. This is what I'm dealing with. This is where I'm at."

I guess I'll be thinking about this trip for a while... and even though there were times on this trip where I was frustrated and irritated and felt like I was locked in the loony bin, I'm glad I went. If not for any other reason than to be thankful for what I have been given, the opportunities I have been presented with and the family I was placed in.

07 October 2008

Let's Just Say... I was Prolific

Or not. I was planning on starting this blog out "right". Or normal. Or with some sort of purpose. I had a plan for an amazing, slightly witty post to blow people out of the water. And yet here I sit. The cursor blinking at me mockingly. But my brain is mush right now. Blank as a slate and all that.I'm not usually a person who is low on words. I usually use up my quota of words and probably dip into other people's word quota of the day.

I'm a verbal processor. Usually. If something is on my mind I will find someone close to me and yak their ear of until I feel like I've thoroughly hashed out the issue. Thank the Lord that I have people around me who are willing to listen to me.

So in reality, who knows where this blog will lead. Maybe the occasional word of the day. Maybe an author of the week. Maybe a post here and there about something going on in life. I don't really know.

But I do know that other than this post, I will most definitely try to be more prolific.