From November 2007...
I am sitting in a hotel room in Charlotte, North Carolina trying not to be grossed out. Maybe I am just weird. Maybe I have commitment issues. Maybe I am (in some ways, not all) more male in my approach to emotions and romance. But seriously, I feel like I skipped Romance for Girls 101 and zoomed straight into "No! Really? - Sarcasm 101"... and somewhere along the way I apparently missed out on something important.
Many of my friends buy into this "White Knight" theory. That there is a man who will rescue them, be able to fulfill all emotional needs and rescue them from the loneliness of single life. He'll treat them like queens or princesses, enjoy every single thing that they do and they will live happily ever after in some sort of cottage with a white picket fence and a garden and 2.2 kids with a 2.2 car garage.
That sounds incredibly boring to me. I'd go so far as to say it's not only boring, it's unrealistic. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not known for my sympathy towards men. Having had bad experiences in the past I'm not the greatest man champion. But when women start to spill this absolute rubbish, I have to say, I am overwhelmed with a sense of pity for any man who is expected to live up to several of the above mentioned standards. It sounds like an awful lot of giving and putting up with crap and not much taking and experiencing the joy of reciprocated love.
I'm not sure if I've even digressed at this point but I'll continue.
I have come to an understanding as to the root of my issue with being single and being in the church. I'm sick of hearing about how there are no good men. I'm really sick of hearing about the "perfect man". And the chances of me snatching myself bald are high if I hear one more person tell me that their heart's desire is to get married.
I am not anti marriage. In fact, contrary to what people might think after reading this post, I too want to get married. However I do not let marriage dominate my every waking hour. My every breath. My every moment. Wanting to be married is a very valid desire. But there are so many things to experience while single and unattached. The ministry opportunites that God has in that period of life are amazing. Paul talks about it in Corinthians. I'm not even talking about a full time all to celebate life. Just living in the day that Jesus is giving you.
Even now, as I type I can feel my blood pressure rising and my soap box getting higher. I suppose, for me, it boils down to one thing on the whole marriage issue. It's where Jesus has brought me and its where I ask Him to keep me content until such a time as He sees fit to pair me off with some poor soul.
In the 25 years that I have been alive, Jesus has shown me HIs faithfulness to me. I've been through some crap and yet every time Father has shown me His trustworthiness and His unfailing love toward me and for me. It is not His track record that has suffered in terms of being true, it is mine. And I'm going to have the audacity to tell Him that I'm going to search relentlessly until I find a mate? I must be smoking crack. I have experienced the grace of God to me. And through that experience I have realized this: If there is something in my life that I think I need and I don't have - and I have gone to God with that request and it has not come - it must mean I do not need it for this time in my life. That includes all things - especially a man. And until that man comes along, I want to do the best job I can where Jesus has put me and be faithful in the only day He's promised me, which is this day.
24 November 2008
The Project
I have not abandoned ship. I hadn't forgotten about this blog either. Instead I took time, placed it in another part of my memory until I had a moment of inspiration.
This blog has had many ideas attached to it. I've had lofty aspirations. I've had some very low moments in figuring out what to do. And finally, genius struck.
Over the next few weeks (perhaps days... depends on how ambitious I feel) I will be importing posts from my other blog. I started it a year ago but it has evolved into something else and I don't feel entirely comfortable publishing the deeper thoughts I'm having over there. So you all are getting them. Thoughts ranging from singleness to the love of Jesus... all of them pertaining to the very spiritual side of life. Some funny (maybe to me and no one else) some just verbal vomitting, some just thoughts thrown out there. But all of them mine. So read if you like. Enjoy, process and maybe something will come of it. :)
This blog has had many ideas attached to it. I've had lofty aspirations. I've had some very low moments in figuring out what to do. And finally, genius struck.
Over the next few weeks (perhaps days... depends on how ambitious I feel) I will be importing posts from my other blog. I started it a year ago but it has evolved into something else and I don't feel entirely comfortable publishing the deeper thoughts I'm having over there. So you all are getting them. Thoughts ranging from singleness to the love of Jesus... all of them pertaining to the very spiritual side of life. Some funny (maybe to me and no one else) some just verbal vomitting, some just thoughts thrown out there. But all of them mine. So read if you like. Enjoy, process and maybe something will come of it. :)
Thoughts in process...
From November 2007...
This last week has been intense to say the least. Part of it has been a good intense, the other part has been emotionally intense and super draining. I've spent a lot of my alone time reflecting and musing about family, the call God has put on my life, and my reaction to it all.
There are so many things inside my head pertaining to it all. I've had so many ideas, views, & opinions thrown at me in the last few days. They have really challenged what I've held dear and how I've perceived much of my life. However one thing I've realized, in talking with Jesus, listening to Him and following Him is this:
He is so incredibly faithful to me. More than anything this past week has emphasised that the simplicity I walk in, the ministry I'm involved in is a gift. And what grace it is to be pulled outside yourself. To realize that the world is not about you. Because most people don't realize that.
I've also started to understand the gift that the Lord had given me in my family. I'm close to both my parents and I'm getting closer to my sisters and brother. But man, I watched part of my extended family over the last few days... I observed the tension, the bitterness, the underlying anger... none of it ever spoken. All of it kept hidden and glossed over as if nothing had ever happened. I became more and more thankful that, while we're not perfect, to the best of our ability- all of us in our family are honest with each other. There is that ability to be open and vulnerable with each other. To say, "Hey, this is where I'm at. This is what I'm dealing with. This is where I'm at."
I guess I'll be thinking about this trip for a while... and even though there were times on this trip where I was frustrated and irritated and felt like I was locked in the loony bin, I'm glad I went. If not for any other reason than to be thankful for what I have been given, the opportunities I have been presented with and the family I was placed in.
This last week has been intense to say the least. Part of it has been a good intense, the other part has been emotionally intense and super draining. I've spent a lot of my alone time reflecting and musing about family, the call God has put on my life, and my reaction to it all.
There are so many things inside my head pertaining to it all. I've had so many ideas, views, & opinions thrown at me in the last few days. They have really challenged what I've held dear and how I've perceived much of my life. However one thing I've realized, in talking with Jesus, listening to Him and following Him is this:
He is so incredibly faithful to me. More than anything this past week has emphasised that the simplicity I walk in, the ministry I'm involved in is a gift. And what grace it is to be pulled outside yourself. To realize that the world is not about you. Because most people don't realize that.
I've also started to understand the gift that the Lord had given me in my family. I'm close to both my parents and I'm getting closer to my sisters and brother. But man, I watched part of my extended family over the last few days... I observed the tension, the bitterness, the underlying anger... none of it ever spoken. All of it kept hidden and glossed over as if nothing had ever happened. I became more and more thankful that, while we're not perfect, to the best of our ability- all of us in our family are honest with each other. There is that ability to be open and vulnerable with each other. To say, "Hey, this is where I'm at. This is what I'm dealing with. This is where I'm at."
I guess I'll be thinking about this trip for a while... and even though there were times on this trip where I was frustrated and irritated and felt like I was locked in the loony bin, I'm glad I went. If not for any other reason than to be thankful for what I have been given, the opportunities I have been presented with and the family I was placed in.
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